Most nights, my dreams are pretty ordinary. However, last night's dream was so strange that I had to look it up in one of those dream dictionaries. Our power actually went out at around 2:30 in the morning which ended up playing over in my dream. I dreamed that my husband and I were laying in bed asleep and the power had gone out. Then a little further into the dream, locusts started falling down onto us. I don't know where they came from as our ceiling was intact. In the dream, I got out of bed and started walking through the house and there were locusts everywhere. It literally was one of the strangest dreams I've ever had, which prompted me to look up its meaning.
According to DreamMoods.com, dreaming of locusts signifies: "a lack of psychological nourishment. You may feel that your are lacking in creativity or that your creativity is being destroyed. Alternatively, it may represent cycles and transformation. " Considering the fact that I decided to cut my losses and move on from my real estate endeavor on Tuesday (I was dumping so much into something that just couldn't yield a return right now), I think the locusts may be on to something. It's a nerve wracking time. I willingly left teaching to pursue real estate and it didn't work out and now here I am, with no job to speak of. I have no regrets about trying a new endeavor, but my timing could have been better given the current economic climate.
The plan is to go back to teaching in August. Once I allowed myself to, I realized how much I miss it. I miss my students, teaching a foreign language, and being good at something, feeling like an authority. I still don't think I'll teach for the rest of my life, but it makes the most sense for now. The tricky part is finding something that I can do from January to July besides substitute teaching.
I feel like this year has been one of colossal change and personal growth for me. I've taken risks and tried new things, but I'm still not sure what God's plans are, which is hard for a control freak like myself. How long should I teach? When will I have a baby? Will I ever be able to pursue a more creative field? Blah, blah, blah. I wish I had the answers, but that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
Illustration by Patricia Von Esche via Katiedid