Thursday, December 18, 2008

It's Raining Locusts...Hallelujah?

Most nights, my dreams are pretty ordinary. However, last night's dream was so strange that I had to look it up in one of those dream dictionaries. Our power actually went out at around 2:30 in the morning which ended up playing over in my dream. I dreamed that my husband and I were laying in bed asleep and the power had gone out. Then a little further into the dream, locusts started falling down onto us. I don't know where they came from as our ceiling was intact. In the dream, I got out of bed and started walking through the house and there were locusts everywhere. It literally was one of the strangest dreams I've ever had, which prompted me to look up its meaning.

According to DreamMoods.com, dreaming of locusts signifies: "a lack of psychological nourishment. You may feel that your are lacking in creativity or that your creativity is being destroyed. Alternatively, it may represent cycles and transformation. " Considering the fact that I decided to cut my losses and move on from my real estate endeavor on Tuesday (I was dumping so much into something that just couldn't yield a return right now), I think the locusts may be on to something. It's a nerve wracking time. I willingly left teaching to pursue real estate and it didn't work out and now here I am, with no job to speak of. I have no regrets about trying a new endeavor, but my timing could have been better given the current economic climate.

The plan is to go back to teaching in August. Once I allowed myself to, I realized how much I miss it. I miss my students, teaching a foreign language, and being good at something, feeling like an authority. I still don't think I'll teach for the rest of my life, but it makes the most sense for now. The tricky part is finding something that I can do from January to July besides substitute teaching.

I feel like this year has been one of colossal change and personal growth for me. I've taken risks and tried new things, but I'm still not sure what God's plans are, which is hard for a control freak like myself. How long should I teach? When will I have a baby? Will I ever be able to pursue a more creative field? Blah, blah, blah. I wish I had the answers, but that would be too easy, wouldn't it?


Illustration by Patricia Von Esche via Katiedid

11 comments:

Dianne said...

I have been where you are mentally and emotionally. I eventually left teaching and never looked back. You will know when to REALLY move on!

Lauren said...

Well, just being a new reader to your blog, I have to say you're very creative & a great writer. I'm sorry the locusts think you're having a dry spell!! I know it's rough not knowing where you're going but sometimes just exhaling and going with it all (which is what you seem to be doing) works best. I'll be reading, so keep it up!! :)

Courtney said...

Paloma -- While I think you may see this as a time of frustration and bad timing, I see it as a HUGE step forward for someone that does like to plan and does like to know the answers. You challenged yourself to learn something new and you jumped in with both feet. You passed all tests, did amazing research (ahem, your other blog), and gave it your all. I think that says more than anything about YOU and your work ethic.

It's OK to decide to go back to teaching and it's even better that you gave your interest in real estate a valid chance. I know you'll find your place in time and exceed no matter what path you choose. Because that's just the type of woman you are.

Lara said...

I admired you when you left teaching to pursue real estate - it's impressive you took a risk and even though it didn't go exactly as you planned, you can use this experience to help you in the future when you're ready to take another leap. As for knowing the timing for everything, I don't think we'll ever have the answers for everything but the best advice I can give is to follow your heart and it will all work out. Wishing you the best!

katiedid said...

Paloma! You will find your path. We are living in exciting and nerve wracking times. I, too, am in transition, so I can relate. Hang in there! (And I promise the little katiedid will not scare you!)

henrydefine said...

Raining locusts! Be optimistic, this could be a great thing. I wonder if you'd be interested in commercial real estate? My boyfriend had a similar situation: tried residential and found it lackluster, so he decided to try commercial, and he's only done it since August and is now very happy. His company is small, but growing--if it's even a small consideration I'll send you his email. Quite possibly this is the first time I've posted, but have read your blog for a long time, and always enjoy it!

Alicia B Designs said...

aw! good for you! If it takes something like a giant economical meltdown for you to figure out what is truly fulfilling, then it's all worth it, right? I'd say so. And never regret--THAT"S the waste of time!
xoxo
Alicia B

LindsB said...

Good for you, I have so much admiration for people who can just up and follow their dreams. I hope to be able to do the same someday soon. Also if you ever do get all the answers, please let me know I'd like to know whats in store for my future...aka will the BF ever get off his butt and ask me to marry him, I mean it has been 5+ years, hahaha.

Paloma said...

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. It's so nice to know that other people can relate. I wish you each all the best.

Henry, I think I'm going to leave real estate all together, but thank you so much for your generous offer. :)

Linds, here's hoping that you will get engaged in 2009!

No.35style said...

I am so impressed that you tried something new! I am a teacher and find myself in the same situation..wanting to try something different. I think it's great you did. Even though you are going back to teaching at least you answered that question of what if.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

Don't beat yourself up, I hate to see that. There's nothing wrong with going back to teaching especially if at the end of the day you get something back from it. A year and half ago I decided to quit my job to stay home with my children and sometimes I beat myself up about it because it was flexible and well paying. When I stop to think long and hard about my bit of regret; I know that I made the best decision that I could at the time that was best for me and my family. At the end of the day I'm doing what's best for us right now and I know that's the right thing to do.

Things may seem tough but they have a way of working out. Chin up! :)