tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post439520702773905582..comments2023-10-24T02:42:34.651-05:00Comments on La Dolce Vita: Do Tell: Is there ever a right time?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16168824588739872769noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-53916909909808694542012-05-25T12:41:05.383-05:002012-05-25T12:41:05.383-05:00I had always thought I wanted a family, but it was...I had always thought I wanted a family, but it wasn't until we seriously started talking about it that I began to evaluate my feelings...especially being around many friends that are not able to conceive. We are both 30 and realize that our window is only getting narrower. How would I feel if we got pregnant immediately? How would I feel if I never conceived? Etc... At first I thought something was wrong with me because I didn't have this overwhelming feeling to be a mother. However, when I stepped back, I realized that that's not my personality. I'm not a super emotional person in general, and it would be out of character for me to have "baby fever". But, when I hold my baby nieces, I can't help but think of how incredible it would be to have one of my own. (And this is coming from a person who can't imagine loving anything more than I do our dog.) So, after going to the doctor and changing some lifestyle choices, we're starting next week!<br /><br />Best Wishes!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-68627789357190235022012-05-22T12:26:08.065-05:002012-05-22T12:26:08.065-05:00So sorry to hear about your Father in-law. Losing...So sorry to hear about your Father in-law. Losing people in our lives is never easy, and will always make us think about our own life and what we want out of it.<br /><br />I will be 31 in July, and I'm 8 months pregnant. It was not an easy decision for my Husband and me to "pull the goalie", but once we were both on board it was so exciting to think about starting a family together. So many things go through your mind (i.e. all of the things you mentioned in your post). I also have two awesome dogs that get a lot of love and attention. I don't know how I'm going to have enough time and love to go around, but I've been told I will surprise myself. Ironically, my biggest fear about getting pregnant was what if I can't get pregnant? I knew it wasn't going to get any easier to get pregnant the longer I waited. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you and your Husband. You two will decide together when the "right time" is to start the next exciting chapter in your marriage. Your life will be forever changed in ways you never imagined...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-45277426898020396382012-05-20T06:31:33.343-05:002012-05-20T06:31:33.343-05:00Is there a 'right time'?. No, I don't ...Is there a 'right time'?. No, I don't think so...I have a girlfriend who had her first of 5 babies at 17. Does she regret No. 1? Never! Another fell pregnant for the first time, marriage no. 3, at 51! With twins. Meant to be. I was told I couldn't have children; accepted the fact by 20, married and after major open heart surgery had two daughters at 25 & 27. Blessed. And Blessed again at 39 with a son! I'd be lying to say all these stories are of total joy, of course there is hardship, fear and struggles; but NEVER have I heard anyone say their children aren't the best thing that has ever happened to them. My sister is 39 and longs to be a Mummy, her partner and soul-mate wants to remain childless. <br />Just DO IT! THere is so much to gain and nothing to loose.<br />Good luck.<br />x KLKLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14763689950705543241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-73165692746453277262012-05-18T11:24:27.468-05:002012-05-18T11:24:27.468-05:00Prior to my first marriage, I never thought I want...Prior to my first marriage, I never thought I wanted kids. Being married didn't change that. After ending that marriage, I realized nothing was wrong with me, I didn't not want to have kids, I just didn't want to have kids with my ex-husband. Before I even knew or cared whether I married my husband now, I knew I wanted to make a baby with him. <br />We were fortunate enough to get pregnant 3 1/2 months before our wedding. You have got to really want it because even wanting to be pregnant and give birth and have children, it is painstakingly hard at times. I often say to my husband I don't know how teen moms do it or people who "accidentally" get pregnant. <br />But it is the best thing in the world. Those words: "I want to make a baby with you" came out sub-consciously and kept coming with increasing frequency. I can only describe it as a similar feeling of knowing you are supposed to marry a certain someone. You just know. There is a certain peace that comes with that innate sense.Audrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08055071909848069163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-80768640696279242782012-05-15T15:05:07.608-05:002012-05-15T15:05:07.608-05:00The question to ask yourself is will you regret wh...The question to ask yourself is will you regret when you are 70 that you didn't have a child? If the answer is yes, start to imagine the things you would like to accomplish in the next ten years or so. Are these things that can happen with a a child? Are these things that you may be willing to put on hold or extend your timeline for achieving? The truth is that there really isn't *the* perfect time to start a family. There is a certain deadline to it, though. Remember that there are options in delaying motherhood that you would be wise to look into now if you want to take your time deciding. I would just really suggest sitting with these thoughts and figuring out where your heart really lies, and also what Fabian really wants. <br /><br />As for me, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I was ready for children since my early 20s. Motherhood surprised me just the same, and we were not prepared at all for the fact that I couldn't bring myself to work following her birth. It has been the greatest journey, though. My dreams were refocused for a while, but I am venturing back into them now that are for sure through with having babies.Sherihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05974228370844834031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-16142888583241066442012-05-15T12:45:32.705-05:002012-05-15T12:45:32.705-05:00There is no right time and you'll never be rea...There is no right time and you'll never be ready - but you won't regret it. My husband and I weren't 100% sure either but we decided that we didn't want to miss out on the experience. Last night, while holding my 6 month old while he snuggled into my arms after having an epic meltdown at 1 am for seemingly no reason, I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. His soft baby hair, his chubby little arms wrapped around my neck and his head on my shoulder -it was the sweetest momement. I know I'll never love anyone quite like I love him.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-67123106201321605392012-05-15T12:28:08.533-05:002012-05-15T12:28:08.533-05:00I have been married for 8 years and am also 31. I ...I have been married for 8 years and am also 31. I also have quite a few physical problems. My advice is the longer you wait the less you want kids. It is just so easy (not in a mean way!) to NOT have them, but easy is not always the best. I didn't even know if I wanted any kids and now I have 2. Yes, the creative aspects of my life take a backseat, but I am doing something so much more powerful. Raising 2 kids who I hope and pray will be kind, Godly, and compassionate kids. My mom always said it is different with your own kids and IT IS! I now seriously cannot imagine life without them...it wouldn't be as rich, as full, or as filled with laughter. I know this season when they are young is hard, but I am soooo excited to share the rest of my life with them. I can't wait for girl movie nights and I love my dates with them!!! We just have to figure out things to do that we all enjoy at this young age, so we bought a boat. Now even though they are young we can go have even more fun together. I don't know a mom who has had kids that REGRETS the decision. It can take a while to get pregnant...then once you are you have 40 week to fall in love...and you will!! God bless you:) Love your blog!Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11177144099616709727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-77429369664359141082012-05-15T11:43:50.586-05:002012-05-15T11:43:50.586-05:00In defense of working mom's everywhere... Did ...In defense of working mom's everywhere... Did you consider yourself to not be "raising" your children once they were in school all day long?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-77826070894728824232012-05-15T11:02:40.276-05:002012-05-15T11:02:40.276-05:00I am one of THOSE people who say there IS a perfec...I am one of THOSE people who say there IS a perfect time...For me, I knew I wanted a baby after being married for about 6 years and then I just waited until my husband was ready around the 7 year mark and everyting worked out just the way I wanted it, my daughter is THE happiness and joy in my life and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!!myrnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14755111904176275370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-47639687996742369082012-05-15T08:41:33.347-05:002012-05-15T08:41:33.347-05:00Like everyone said there is no right time and no o...Like everyone said there is no right time and no one can tell you what is right for you. I knew I wanted to have children but was never an overly motherly or kindergarden teacher type. I walked around for 9 months thinking there is no way there is a baby growing inside of me! I just couldn't fathom it. I was also deathly afraid of giving birth. It really isn't that bad and you forget about it real quick. I look back now and I actually liked being pregnant and want to be pregnant again. I never had a "glorious" moment after he was born that instantly connected me with my son (I was totally in love but you know you hear others who have a moment. Thats just not me)but it has been 2 years of loving him more each day. It's not always easy but totally worth every second! Sorry also about your father in law. You will figure it out!Jordin- I Love That!https://www.blogger.com/profile/03307128159148709388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-14421100848574934452012-05-15T08:28:08.209-05:002012-05-15T08:28:08.209-05:00Paloma,
I will turn 30 on Sunday and also was ne...Paloma, <br /><br />I will turn 30 on Sunday and also was never quite sure whether I wanted kids or not. I wasn't one of those girls with a clear, overwhelming desire. However, when I got married two years ago to a man older than me, it became clear that I was ready, though even through my pregnancy I was hoping I would have that instinctive maternal instinct, because I wasn't sure. My son was born in January and it is unbelievable how much love and protection I feel for him. Even though I was never obsessed with babies, I am with him and get the most unbelievable joy from having him. <br /><br />Also, I was scared of the actual birth, but realized that was really unnecessary. As long as you have an epidural, you really don't feel anything. It was 1000x easier than I expected. Now, breast feeding was far more difficult than I imagined and far more difficult than birth, but the birth itself was a non-event as far as the pain. <br /><br /><br />Anyway, whatever decision you make will be right for you. I certainly wouldn't rush into anything b/c as incredible as it is to be a mother, I almost wish I had cherished the time before a little more b/c it will never be like that again. Best of luck! Emily MillerEmily Millernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-86944961457015113462012-05-15T08:23:55.373-05:002012-05-15T08:23:55.373-05:00I had my first child when I was 27. I had been ma...I had my first child when I was 27. I had been married 5 years. All my friends were having babies. We decided to go ahead and start our family so that we would not be too old when they were grown to have adventures on our own again. I never felt the overwhelming desire to have a baby - it's just what women did at that age. I love my boys dearly. There was a time that my heart broke for people who didn't have children. Then I realized they were just as blessed but in a different way! Your live is not your own once you have babies. It never stops just because they are grown up. Putting my kids in daycare wasn't an option. I left my career to raise my family. Why have them if you aren't going to raise them? This is just my opinion - I know it's not a popular one and it's not meant to step on anyone's toes. I had no idea how hard parenting would be - and I have great kids! They are handsome, smart and athletic. I guess what I am trying to say is I didn't know it would be so hard. Physically when they are babies and emotionally draining when they are older. Just make sure you really WANT kids before you dive in. Also, we didn't plan my third son. I was 37 when I had him. Believe me - it's harder when you're older. My husband is a great dad and as hands on as one can be for which I am so grateful. Search your heart - do you want kids (remember those cute, cuddly babies grow up) or does it just seem like the thing to do at your age? Only you and your husband know the deepest desire of your hearts. Hopefully they match up. Pray for God's timing if you decide to do it at all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-45227717122333074872012-05-15T07:47:00.378-05:002012-05-15T07:47:00.378-05:00OH C'mon, just do it! If you are even consider...OH C'mon, just do it! If you are even considering it - just do it, and never look back. It is hard yes, but ask yourself, everything that is worth it in life is hard work, right?<br /><br />I have 3 kids had my first at 30, my last at 38 and if I would have let myself hem and haw about it, I would never have the life I have now. <br /><br />Remember, don't let fear make the decision for you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-81263258778561504372012-05-15T07:00:17.360-05:002012-05-15T07:00:17.360-05:00My condolences as well.
I am answering just to gi...My condolences as well.<br /><br />I am answering just to give another perspective, one I haven't seen as yet. In some senses you will not be able to relate, but perhaps there is some nugget wisdom.<br /><br />First off, I do not really like most other children. They are ill mannered, noisy, messy and have no respect for anyone or anything, I will leave the debate as to why for another day.<br /><br />Secondly, we have five children and we did it all backwards and sideways. I had my first at 16, gave her to my mother for adoption, which in my particular scenario was a bad idea. I had my second at 19, met the man I would one day marry when I was 21 and got custody of my first daughter back when I was 24.<br /><br />I also managed to get through high school and college, and I did start working soon after.<br /><br />We decided to have more children when I was 27, 29 and 30. My body is still paying for all this, having 2 so young and then 3 in rapid succession. <br /><br />Do I have regrets? Many, I didn't recognize my passion until my mid 30's, I never had a career, just a few jobs, we have never traveled, except for one 4 day road trip to the province next to us. We've never been able to buy a new car, let alone a house and we just barely squeaked out a super low budget wedding last month.<br /><br />Child raising is hard work, endless, thankless, physically and emotionally exhausting.<br /><br />However, I would not trade my children for anything. I would not trade the time I have had with them, the things I have learned from them, the love I have given and received, in abundance, for all the gold in the world.<br /><br />Be thankful for what you do have, for your life as it is. It is and will be, exactly what it was meant to be.Therahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18307973893090011756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-72548579440450090052012-05-15T02:28:45.277-05:002012-05-15T02:28:45.277-05:00There's an incredible pressure to have childre...There's an incredible pressure to have children in our society today. We hear so much from new mothers about how wonderful their lives are and we all recognize that parenthood is rewarding and difficult work. But through television, magazines, even Facebook, there is a constant message that children bring the greatest joy, to the point where childrearing seems to be a sole purpose in life for some. With the world as it is, the decision to have children should not be swayed by peer pressure. If you really want to do it and you think you can provide everything you would like for them as well as fulfilling all your other dreams, go for it – and you'll figure it out as you go. And if having children isn't high on that list of amazing things you want to do in this life, all the more reason to make your dreams come true, value your relationships with the young and the old, and be happy and proud of the choices you were free to make. Whichever direction you go in, you won't make a mistake.<br /><br />Best of luck to all of us!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-38758771582733364142012-05-14T23:22:17.552-05:002012-05-14T23:22:17.552-05:00I don't have any words of wisdom to offer beca...I don't have any words of wisdom to offer because I'm in the exact same position as you. As I was reading your post, I was just nodding my head because I totally relate to everything you mentioned (I'm almost 30, been married for 8 years, and have a demanding job). Thanks for posing these questions. It's been great reading through the comments (and knowing I'm not the only one out there).emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08446447219201341499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-73255762808420001772012-05-14T23:09:17.017-05:002012-05-14T23:09:17.017-05:00I'm probably a good bit older than many of the...I'm probably a good bit older than many of the other commenters, but I'm also the mom of a 30 yo daughter. She is single, and all of her friends are having kids and she wonders not if she's ready but if she ever will be ready! So I'll tell you what I say to her.<br /><br />It's all very romantic to hear people say it will all be ok if you just jump. Maybe it will. You sound like a loving good person so it probably will. Women my age didn't usually think about it much (if at all) and then we just coped the best way we could. I have some regrets in how young I was when I started my family but not that I did it. In the real world bad things happen and not everyone is cut out to be a mother. It's ok whatever you decide, and if you wait till it's too late, you'll deal with that decision the best you can. <br />So take your time, make sure you really want to be a mom.<br /><br /> I can speak to the "pain" part of childbirth as well. I had one medicated birth and one without and I'd take the without any day of the week. There are all sorts of ways to learn how to cope with childbirth and the pain of raising them will make you forget the pain of birthing them. And I'm not saying by any means childbearing is all bad. It isn't. There are so many joys to be had that just thinking about them bring tears to my eyes. I loved raising my children and I love seeing what marvelous adults they've turned out to be. And I'd give my right arm to be a grandma one day. But not Until hey are good and ready. <br /><br />Take your time, talk about it a lot with your hubby. You will know deep in your heart when you are ready.Cyndiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06410119703382539295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-53340100698035125312012-05-14T22:57:28.496-05:002012-05-14T22:57:28.496-05:00Sorry to hear of your lost, my dad passed away fr...Sorry to hear of your lost, my dad passed away from the same cancer. I have two beautiful boys and wasn't ready. At 35, I truly wanted a baby and had a girl. I was blessed my kids are all healthy. It is a very personal decision, no right time. A life changing experience. My only advice is that you have a support group of friends and family, and please take whatever meds are appropriate for pain. I've done no meds and with meds. Childbirth is already difficult, why suffer with pain ladies.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-73879377943596109702012-05-14T22:42:27.579-05:002012-05-14T22:42:27.579-05:00Being a parent is hard work, but also pretty freak...Being a parent is hard work, but also pretty freaking awesome it will rock your world in ways you never imagined and at times ways you think wait why did we do this. Here is the thing, age matters. You want to be able to run and jump and experience your kids lives and possibly the lives of their kids the longer you wait the less of chance of that you have, and you will regret that aspect. Many many joys abound from having children. Good luck and don't get wrapped up in the idea of pain in labor- so many options out there.Chloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00810334569346533373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-46557196772432472772012-05-14T22:16:02.040-05:002012-05-14T22:16:02.040-05:00Thanks for being so brave and posting about this h...Thanks for being so brave and posting about this huge question. I'm 28, have been married for three years, and I'm already starting to wonder why I'm not foaming at the mouth for a baby. <br /><br />I feel I have a responsibility to the things I love and care about right NOW. I know that if I had a baby, I would love it more than I can even comprehend, but I also know that a baby would fundamentally change the way I relate to my husband. He is my best friend, and I want to protect my marriage with every fiber of my being - and I get nervous when I think about putting myself in a situation where my marriage would no longer come first. <br /><br />We got a dog just after we were married and I am scarily obsessed with the little rascal. So that's where some of my fear comes from - if I'm this cray-cray over a sweet little dog, what will I do when it's a human who I made with my husband?<br /><br />So...I guess that's one facet of this discussion. Many of us understand that having a baby is life-altering, and (in spite of what one commenter said) very few women would change their decision to have children. Knowing how wonderful it will be, then, we also know that we will happily fling aside life as we know (and love) it right now. For me, that's the scariest part. I know a baby will change me, and I want to be okay leaving parts of the old me behind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-59251973300656378472012-05-14T21:27:50.990-05:002012-05-14T21:27:50.990-05:00I also went back and forth on the decision to have...I also went back and forth on the decision to have children. My husband is 7 years older than I am and said that if we were going to do it he didn't want to be too old. I was 29 when we had our first and in my personal experience at times throughout motherhood I've switched between thinking "what on earth were we wasting our lives doing before we had children", to thinking "what on earth did we do to our peaceful life by having children"! I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you are never truly ready & being a mother brings such joy & happiness that even the bad times seem worth it. It truly made me a far less selfish person. I still miss some things that we've had to give up, like bushwalking & going out at night whenever we felt like it, but those sacrifices are only while our girls are young. Everything is impermanent so we just make the most of each moment in our lives.<br />Good luck with your decision - Alishamatildaroseinteriors.blogspothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05573929072351386137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-69471239228377736282012-05-14T20:47:49.226-05:002012-05-14T20:47:49.226-05:00For what it is worth, I was you...I could never de...For what it is worth, I was you...I could never decide if I wanted to be a mother, I am not exactly the "maternal" type. Caring for my dog was as maternal as it got for me. I knew my husband loved children and would be an amazing father, but I was the one I doubted. We talked and decided to go off birth control, I told him if he were waiting for me to be ready, we would wake up one morning and it would be too late. We left it up to fate or God or whatever you believe and two years later, we became pregnant. It was an amazing and scary surprise. My career was just really taking off and I had just purchased tickets to a great summer concert. The timing couldn't have been better or worse...it was just our time. My son is 7 months old today and I love him more than I ever thought possible. But I realized that I didn't have to lose who I was just because just because I was a mother. I still wear my designer heels, and drink wine with my girlfriends, and cuss at all the terrible drivers on the freeways...I am sure whatever you decide will be the best for you. But please know that you are not alone in having these questions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-890227210280281352012-05-14T20:37:52.845-05:002012-05-14T20:37:52.845-05:00Our first is 16 months old, and while life is cert...Our first is 16 months old, and while life is certainly different, we also see life differently now that we are parents! As for readiness, no, there is never a perfect time to begin a family. There will always be more you want, more you could do. I think it's more about being emotionally ready. If you are that, you'll be better equipped to handle any change that comes your way. Best wishes as you consider growing into a family!Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12746777760318892646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-72640830735603653862012-05-14T20:09:37.287-05:002012-05-14T20:09:37.287-05:00i agree with everyone here in that there is never ...i agree with everyone here in that there is never a "perfect" time. In my opinion, it happens when it's supposed to happen. that's it.<br />If you have something you want to get started before having a baby then go for it....and also plan on working on that baby as well! nothing will make you get pregnant faster than trying to plan your life! but keep in mind it does take most women on average 5-6 months to get pregnant.<br />I will be 33 soon and just had my second and the time was "right" even though things did not go as planned but thus is life with children. they make life messy but the mess is the most colorful fun one you could imagine!!Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13303620966975288844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4296235624601130259.post-40278106847874333262012-05-14T19:50:48.792-05:002012-05-14T19:50:48.792-05:00At 30 years old, I also do not have children (exce...At 30 years old, I also do not have children (except my pets of course!). I was very upfront with my husband before we got married that I might not ever want them. I remember being in junior high and really thinking about marriage and children (don't ask me why) and I could think of so many wonderful reasons to get married, but I could never think of a reason to have children outside of societal pressure. That feeling has still not changed for me, and as another commenter posted, it would be selfish of me to have a baby just to make everyone else more comfortable or to answer the "what if" question. We are both of the mindset that our lives will be fabulous whether we do decide to have a child or not. I so wish that a woman's worth was not determined by whether or not she procreates. Why do so many of us feel guilty for not having or wanting kids?<br /><br />I have struggled with poor health and low energy for 15 years. My number one focus right now is getting my health back. With a demanding career (I'm in education--which you know takes everything you have to give and then some) I need to be able to come home to a quiet house where I can relax and gather my thoughts. Adding motherhood on top of that is more than I can physically handle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com